Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
