A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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