All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
It's Friday. Sex?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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