david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's just like the Real World with babies
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
