if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Can I color on your dick again?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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