I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
