"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think i got beer on your cat.
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