Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
