it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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