I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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