hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
3pm strippers are depressing
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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