I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
