just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just gift wrapped bread.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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