Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize