so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
