It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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