So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
