Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
