So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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