was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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