So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
