It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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