I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
