So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
