he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
