so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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