Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
