She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
