there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
