You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
