Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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