He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
