Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
