You can't motorboat a personality
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
No subtext here. People are naked.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
