I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize