You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
