I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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