Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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