If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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