I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Randomize
