You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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