I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
