that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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