I accidentally burped into my bong.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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