the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
