I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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