once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize