I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
