Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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