I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
