Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
