It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize