Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
sex in a hospital.. check
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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