PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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