Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
