Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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