If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
