Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
