if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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