you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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