Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Every concussion has its silver lining
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
