oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
