We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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