Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize