who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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