there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Let's paint friendship bongs
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
