idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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