He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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