i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You were trust falling into bushes
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
