I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
