Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
