So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I look better un-naked...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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