dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
being pregnant is like rehab
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
