Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
