I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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